BORROWED AND HILIARIOUS
A special Thanks to K.D. Carter for letting me use this at http://kdcarter.blogspot.com/
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides..
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides..
posted by EXSENO at 8:37 AM
19 Comments:
LMAO... Those are good! :-D
HA HA! Those were awesome!
Ya, I like them too. I've got my favorites.
Wow, those are all good ones. Hard to pick just one as the best. I think I might use this one though...
"What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag"
There are these group of Harley bikers that hang out on Thursday bike night here (I think I may of told you about that before). Anyway, they are just looking for something to get a good fight going between their old out of shape trashy asses and all the crotch rocket riding guys. It's almost funny how they can't resist saying something every time they see us there. Perhaps that will just be the joke/trick to instigate a good beating that needs to be handed to them - lol.
OMG, Good luck , thos hoods might be harder to beat up then you think. But I'ed sure like to be there when/if it happens.
these are HILARIOUS! i love the one about northern/southern fairy tales...that's so true!
definitely made me laugh on a not-so-good day! :)
Yes, I'm affraid that one tickled me the most too. Maybe because I live in the south.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
Still trying to find if this on is funny or not.
I am an expostal worker and know why they go postal....
Love this one:
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
Hard to pick a fav...
HAHAHAHA!
Juan liked the one about Juan on Juan!!!!!!!
This is very interesting.
Oh Lizzy ,
I hope Juan isn't offended. I'm Greek and we have the same problem. Have our population is named George or Nick. lol
and let us not forget the names mary and elaine hehehe I am so glad you didn't name me after Yaya I would have been scared for life.......lol it was so bad that she changed her own name but got offened when I wasn't named after her *There is a god*
oh my goodness... this is soooo funny!!!! 'cuz those are sooo true!!! hahahaha... thank you for this posting... brings smile to this really hot day... :D
Thank You.
HeHe. Thanks for the props, but someone from work emailed it to me. I just posted it because it was hilarious! Thanks Exseno! I'll def keep reading.
ttisob,
You can use them anytime you want to.
ma'am... do u mind if i post this joke in my blog?
thank u...
'ka, No I don't mind, go right ahead and take it.
Post a Comment
<< Home