HABIT OR ADDICTION

What do you think? Is smoking a habit or and addiction?
Quite frankly I thought it was simply a habit, but now I am beginning to think that it's an addiction.

I'm sorry to say that I'm a smoker and what's more, I'm even more ashamed to say how much I smoke. Let's just say, excessively. Let me rephrase that, I light them excessively. I think about half of them smoke their selves by sitting in the ash tray while I'm doing something else, of course, like so many other smokers, when I then reach for my smoke I find it has burned up so I have to light another.

My daughter smokes too. Well of course why not, her father smoked, her mother smokes, I guess her line of reasoning was, so why not me.

My grandson hates it. He lives in a house with two smokers and he absolutely hates it. He doesn't seem to bother his mother about it. She doesn't want to hear it.
But he used to always tell me that he wished I would quit. I never promised him that I would.
He and I have this little thing, I never promise him something unless I am absolutely sure that I can keep that promise. He used to lay this quilt trip on me and say who is going to take care of me if you're not here. Over the years he finally gave up asking.

Why do I smoke? I'm not sure why I even started but it became my crutch when I was stressed. My pass time when I relaxed, my dessert after meals and I found pleasure in it.
But most importantly why didn't I take the plunge and quit? For a long time I simply didn't want to. Now I'm not so sure that's the only reason. In the back of my mind I always had that image of me after I quit.
I'm deathly afraid of the weight gain. That dreaded twenty pounds or so, I find it frightening. What if I can lose it?

Last month I looked my grandson in the eyes and said. "I'm going to try to quit smoking, but understand this, it's not a promise. I'm only promising that I'm going to try and I'm going to keep trying. Maybe I can at least cut back."
But deep within the hope was there that I could quit, I just didn't want to disappoint him or myself if I didn't.

I wrote down every pack of cigarettes that I bought but didn't keep track of them until the end of the month. I thought that I was doing great. The first week I smoked very little and I was so proud of myself, week two I could tell I was reaching for that smoke far to often, o.k. I thought I'll make up for it next week.
At the end of the month when all was totaled, to my profound disappointment I found that I had only smoked three packs less then my approximate normal. What a bummer!

So this month it continues. This month is even harder. I want more instead of less. My craving for them is running rapid.
We'll see what happens at the end of this month. At the end of this month will I be proud or ashamed.

I always thought smoking was just a habit, something that I could put down anytime that I wanted to. I smoked because I enjoyed it, but quiting would never be a problem. I'm not an addict, it's just a habit.

Now I'm not so sure? So I pose this question to you again, is smoking a habit or an addiction?