Thursday, June 30, 2005

THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL

The love that you must conquer

Is a love you've never known,

It lurks deep in the shadows

From where you do not know.

So many fear to find it

They simply let it go,

They lose the chance to find

The greatest love they'll ever know .

So look into the mirror

At the image you reflect

For the hardest love to conquer

Is the one within ones self.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

80th ANNIVERSARY and A SMART MAN !

There was no picture so I borrowed this one
do you know who they are??
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SECRET OF THE LONGEST MARRIAGE IS SAYING 'SORRY'

A British couple who hold the world record for the longest marriage said Wednesday their success was down to a glass of whisky, a glass of sherry and the word "sorry."

Percy and Florence Arrowsmith married on June 1, 1925 and will celebrate their 80th anniversary Wednesday.

The Guinness World Records said Tuesday the couple held the title for the longest marriage and also for the oldest married couple's aggregate age.

"I think we're very blessed," Florence, 100, told the BBC. "We still love one another, that's the most important part."

Asked for their secret, Florence said you must never be afraid to say "sorry."

"You must never go to sleep bad friends," she said, while Percy, 105, said his secret to marital bliss was just two words: "yes dear."

The couple have three children, six grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren and are planning a party soon.

"I like sherry at lunch time and whisky at night and I'm looking forward very much to my party," said Florence.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Lions and Tigers and --- OH MY !!!

AHHHH ---COVER THAT UP

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NAKED CYCLISTS SEEK TO RECLAIM SPAINISH STREETS

Naked save for their regulation crash helmets, a group of militant cyclists held anti-car protests in several Spanish cities, calling for "more human and liveable cities," less pollution and more room for pedestrians and bicycles.

The initiative, launched by a group calling itself the Aragon cyclonudists, took place in the capital Madrid and in Zaragoza, Pamplona, Barcelona and Huesca.

Slogans included "Naked against the traffic: This city is mine."

"We propose a type of city in which residents retake possession of their own outdoor spaces, where less travel is needed and in which the emphasis is on pedestrians and less polluting forms of transport," the organizers said in a statement.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE QUOTE

ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES
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'Frankly My Dear...' Named Top Movie Quote

Marlon Brando was a contender in the American Film Institute's list of best quotes from U.S. movies. But No. 1 was Rhett Butler's parting shot to Scarlett O'Hara: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Clark Gable's line to Vivien Leigh in 1939's "Gone With the Wind" led the AFI's list, announced in the organization's annual top-100 special that aired on CBS Tuesday.

Brando had the No. 2 and 3 quotes — "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse," from "The Godfather" and his "I coulda been a contender" speech from "On the Waterfront."

Judy Garland's Dorothy Gale came in fourth with "Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore," from The Wizard of Oz." At No. 5 was "Here's looking at you, kid," spoken by Rick (Humphrey Bogart) to Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) in "Casablanca."

Bob Gazzale, producer of the AFI special, expected a "Casablanca" line would top the list, chosen through ballots sent to 1,500 filmmakers, actors, critics and others in Hollywood. Yet once the votes were counted, Rhett's retort seemed an obvious choice, Gazzale said.

"Frankly, it has become kind of the catch phrase of catch phrases," Gazzale said. "It's used in so many different ways. Who hasn't been in a relationship where you really give it your all, whether you're a man or a woman, and finally get to the point where you surrender and take back control of the situation with a simple line from the 1930s?"

Two other lines from "Gone With the Wind" made the top 100, Leigh's "After all, tomorrow is another day" (No. 31) and "As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again" (No. 59).

Rounding out the top 10:

6. "Go ahead, make my day," Clint Eastwood, "Sudden Impact."

7. "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up," Gloria Swanson, "Sunset Blvd."

8. "May the Force be with you," Harrison Ford, "Star Wars."

9. "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night," Bette Davis, "All About Eve."

10. "You talking to me?", Robert De Niro, "Taxi Driver."

"Casablanca" led the list with six quotes, including Bogart's "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship" (No. 20) and "We'll always have Paris" (No. 43), and Bergman's "Play it, Sam. Play `As Time Goes By'" (No. 28).

Other highlights include Sidney Poitier's "They call me Mister Tibbs!" (No. 16), "In the Heat of the Night"; Roy Scheider's "You're gonna need a bigger boat" (No. 35), "Jaws"; Arnold Schwarzenegger's "I'll be back" (No. 37), "The Terminator"; Renee Zellweger's "You had me at `hello'" (No. 52), "Jerry Maguire"; Peter Sellers' "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!" (No. 64), "Dr. Strangelove"; and Charlton Heston's "Soylent Green is people!" (No. 77), "Soylent Green."

The oldest line was Al Jolson's "Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain't heard nothin' yet" (No. 71) from 1927's "The Jazz Singer." The newest was Andy Serkis' "My precious" (No. 85) from 2002's "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers."

Rowdy comedy was represented (John Belushi's "Toga! Toga!", No. 82, from "National Lampoon's Animal House"), along with horror (Jack Nicholson's "Here's Johnny!", No. 68, from "The Shining"). So was musical comedy (Barbra Streisand's "Hello, gorgeous," No. 81, from "Funny Girl"), and epic romance (Leonardo DiCaprio's "I'm king of the world!", No. 100, from "Titanic").

Single words made the list, Orson Welles' "Rosebud" (No. 17) from "Citizen Kane" and Walter Brooke's "Plastics" (No. 42) from "The Graduate."

Super-spy James Bond scored with lines that began with original 007 Sean Connery: "Bond. James Bond" (No. 22) from "Dr. No" and "A martini. Shaken, not stirred" (No. 90) from "Goldfinger."

The most recent James Bond, Pierce Brosnan, hosted the AFI quotes special. While some critics carp about omissions from AFI's lists or grouse over the idea of ranking movies, Brosnan said it's all in fun.

"It's an intrinsic part of human nature to rank, file, have a No. 1 and No. 2, to make us all feel better, I think, and to show how clever we are," Brosnan said. "It's purely entertainment."

NOBODY PUTS BABY IN THE CORNER
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My two favorite quotes, Frankly my dear and I'll be back.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

************ REMINISCING ***********

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Someone posted a beautiful picture of a beach in California a while back and it's been haunting me ever since, but in a good way.
Every time I see a beach front picture I tend to digress back in time, remembering what it was like growing up in California where beaches are abundant. It's a wonderful thing.
As far back as I can remember we all loved going to the beach. My sister was 5 yrs. older then me and as soon as she was old enough to drive, we spent every living spare moment at the beach and every summer, all summer long. We lived just off of the famous 101Hwy. and about 15 min. from Redondo beach. My sister of course always had a girlfriend of hers to take with us but since she was so much older then me there was no need for parental supervision --SWEEEET !!
At home she was 90% big sister bitch , but at the beach she was always great. She did her thing and I did mine, which in the beginning mine was looking for sea shells and finding an occasional star fish. Until I got a little older and I got to pick out my favorite bathing suit. A one piece LOL strapless, wow I thought I was it. All thos yrs at the beach I never learned to swim.
Calif. beaches can be treacherous. They have a under - toe . That is when one wave go's out while another is coming in and if your in the right place when they break it can knock your legs out from under you and pull you under so I never went very far out.
One of lifes most scary and most embarrasing moments happened to me at that beach. My sister and her best friend decided to help me have some fun. So they took me out beyond my safe zone where the water was dangerously deep . With one on each side of me they held me up by the upper part of my arms . The water was already up to their arm pits and when the big waves would come they'ed stand their ground,hold their breath and hold me up over thier heads so that I wouldn't swallow a bunch of water. O.K. it was fun-- Until they dropped me. I nearly downed that day. When I hit the bottom I tried to dig my hands in the sand. I coudn't yell for holding my breath. It felt like the water was pulling me out. I could hear my sister screaming my name and crying and yelling at her friend to find me. I couldn't see them thru the dark green water so I figured they'ed never find me and I was on my way out to sea, I couldn't hold my breath much longer anyway. At that moment I felt a hand grab my arm and my sister screaming "I 've got her", then another grabbing my other arm. They were pulling me to safety and I was fighting them every step of the way. They just couldn't understand why. They thought I had completely lost my mind from fright. They were screaming at me so loud they couldn't hear me trying to say wait don't go to the sallow end yet. My beautiful strapless swim suit was down around my ankles. I had managed somehow to get it waist high before they yanked me completely up and out, but Oh lord they exposed my poor little (barely training bra size ) boobs to the opened air. I thought I would die. But it was O.K. I learned how much she loved me, hmmm or was she just afraid of getting grounded?
One of the best times I ever had at that beach was discovering Grunion hunting. People always talked about it but we had never tryed it . For those of you who don't know what they are. They are little fish, very thin and about 5 to6 or 7 inches long. They come in and go out with the waves to spawn very, very quickly, during high tides at the full and new moons. Yes they do this after dark. One day my father came home and said it's Grunion season, let's go and see what it's like. People where everywhere. I think there was more people there at night then in the day. Everyone brings buckets to put the Grunion in and you hunt by the light of the moon. And somehow everyone seemed so much more friendly. There were camp fires going and a lot of comradary.The waves rush in and you run out and try to grab the little buggers before they get away. Some people had buckets full. We caught quite a few, but we gave ours back to the sea. It was lots of fun, but it was more fun watching the other people.
I hear California has changed a lot over the years. I left 30 yrs ago and never went back. I loved growing up in California. I always liked going on trips and vacations, but I never wanted to live anywhere else. We stayed with a beautiful dark golden tan, that no modern day tanning bed has yet to match and I never really minded that the tan just made the scare on my face show up more, Oh , I didn't tell you I was attacked by a dog (Chow) when I was 4 yrs. old. I made the Detroit news papers, I was a celeb. ha ha, but that's another story.
My dream was to have a home over looking the ocean, but life takes strange turns and I never got to do that. Instead I moved further and further away from the ocean and finally ended up here in the south.
Why ? you say, Well I caught that dreaded disease -- I fell in love. lol
Ah, NOSTALGIA , it can make one happy and sad all at the same time.


( I just couldn't resest this Pilican )
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Thursday, June 16, 2005

MORE ON OFF DUTY JOB BEHAVIOR

This reminds me of when someone I know used to write about work experiences she was very careful not to name names or anything like that . Her job is such that it had a lot of traffic flow (customers, clients) and she would talk about the happenings at work. We all enjoyed the stories some were funny some were sad and some were very inlightening. In any case they made good reading.
Well one of the 'CATS' (meow) that worked there was obviously jealous of her, found out about her blog and tried to cause her trouble. My blogger friend is very well liked I thought it was going to cause a war. Haven't heard any more about it? Maybe someone cut out the cats tongue lol.


WARNING: YOUR CLEVER LITTLE BLOG COULD GET YOU FIRED


Like a growing number of employees, Peter Whitney decided to launch a blog on the Internet to chronicle his life, his friends and his job at a division of Wells Fargo.

Then he began taking jabs at a few people he worked with.

His blog, gravityspike.blogspot.com, did find an audience: his bosses. In August 2004, the 27-year-old was fired from his job handling mail and the front desk, he says, after managers learned of his Web log, or blog

His story is more than a cautionary tale. Delta Air Lines, Google and other major companies are firing and disciplining employees for what they say about work on their blogs, which are personal sites that often contain a mix of frank commentary, freewheeling opinions and journaling.

And it's hardly just an issue for employees: Some major employers such as IBM are now passing first-of-their-kind employee blogging guidelines designed to prevent problems, such as the online publishing of trade secrets, without stifling the kinds of blogs that can also create valuable buzz about a company.

IF YOU FIND THIS INTERESTING , YOU CAN READ THE FULL ARTICLE AT:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/usatoday/warningyourcleverlittleblog
coouldgetyoufire

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

MORE OF YOUR RIGHTS TAKEN AWAY


WHAT I DO ON MY TIME IS MY BUSINESS! WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Cocktail server Posted by Hello

OFF-DUTY BEHAVIOR CAN EFFECT YOUR JOB

Some companies are cracking down on employees' off-duty behavior, raising questions about how far employers should go in policing what workers do on their own time.

Employees are being disciplined or fired for such behaviors as drinking on their own time, using competitors' products and displaying political bumper stickers. No one tracks the number of such cases, but some workers rights' groups are concerned that the practice is on the upswing.

"The shock is that there's no legal protection," says Lewis Maltby, of The National Workrights Institute, a non-profit based in Princeton, N.J., that focuses on employee rights. "You can get fired just for having a bumper sticker the boss doesn't like."

For example:

• At the Atlantic City, Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa, bartenders and waitresses can be fired if they gain more than 7% of their body weight. They are first given a 90-day unpaid suspension to lose the weight. Officials say it is a recent clarification to the company's appearance policy.

About 200 cocktail servers and bartenders, known as "Borgata Babes," are covered by the policy, and have to submit to weigh-ins. Weight gain for valid medical reasons, such as pregnancy, are exempt, but the waitresses have 90 days to comply with the target weight upon return.

"We believe the policy in place is not only legal and non-discriminatory, it is also fair," spokesman Michael Facenda said in a statement.

• Lynne Gobbell was fired from her job packing insulation by her Moulton, Ala.-based employer for displaying a John Kerry bumper sticker on her car, according to the Associated Press and numerous media reports. Gobbell could not be reached for comment.

• Ross Hopkins, who worked for a Budweiser distributor, sued after he says he was fired for drinking a Coors at a Greeley, Colo., bar after work.

But Jeff Bedingfield, attorney for American Eagle Distributing, says Hopkins was fired in 2003 for making disparaging comments about the company while at the bar wearing a company uniform. The case is expected to go to trial.

While about half the states have laws preventing employers from firing workers who smoke off duty, questions remain about other legal, off-duty activities. Some states have passed broader protections, says Kary Moss, executive director of the ACLU in Michigan.

"It's a growing trend," Moss says. "But whether or not they will go further to protect workers is an open question."

Monday, June 13, 2005

NOT GUILTY, NOT GUILTY, NOT GUILTY


Michael Jackson Posted by Hello


Well It's all over and Michael Jackson was found not quilty on all counts. How about that.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT

E-mailed to me by a friend, stupid but true stories

Darwin Awards 2005

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here then, are the glorious winners:

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked...


And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one
of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost
a finger. The chef's claim was approved.


3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.


4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting
to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop
and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered
the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients
were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.


5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he
was hit.


6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer ... $15. (if someone
points a gun at you and gives you monsy, is a crime committed?)


7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window,
grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit
the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
store window was made of Plexiglass. The whole event was caught on
videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes, officer that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse fro


9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.


A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor
home near spilled sewage. A police spokeman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the
motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd
ever had.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

AT LEAST TAKE THE WEAPONS !!!


MAN WITH CHAIN SAW Posted by Hello


MAN WITH CHAIN SAW, SWORD IS LET INTO U.S.

On April 25, Gregory Despres arrived at the U.S.-Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood. U.S. customs agents confiscated the weapons and fingerprinted Despres. Then they let him into the United States.

The following day, a gruesome scene was discovered in Despres' hometown of Minto, New Brunswick: The decapitated body of a 74-year-old country musician named Frederick Fulton was found on Fulton's kitchen floor. His head was in a pillowcase under a kitchen table. His common-law wife was discovered stabbed to death in a bedroom.

Despres, 22, immediately became a suspect because of a history of violence between him and his neighbors, and he was arrested April 27 after police in Massachusetts saw him wandering down a highway in a sweat shirt with red and brown stains. He is now in jail in Massachusetts on murder charges, awaiting an extradition hearing next month.

At a time when the United States is tightening its borders, how could a man toting what appeared to be a bloody chain saw be allowed into the country?

Bill Anthony, a spokesman for U.S. Customs and Border Protection, said the Canada-born Despres could not be detained because he is a naturalized U.S. citizen and was not wanted on any criminal charges on the day in question.

Anthony said Despres was questioned for two hours before he was released. During that time, he said, customs agents employed "every conceivable method" to check for warrants or see if Despres had broken any laws in trying to re-enter the country.

"Nobody asked us to detain him," Anthony said. "Being bizarre is not a reason to keep somebody out of this country or lock them up. ... We are governed by laws and regulations, and he did not violate any regulations."

Anthony conceded it "sounds stupid" that a man wielding what appeared to be a bloody chain saw could not be detained. But he added: "Our people don't have a crime lab up there. They can't look at a chain saw and decide if it's blood or rust or red paint."

Sgt. Gary Cameron of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police would not comment on whether it was, in fact, blood on the chain saw.

On the same day Despres crossed the border, he was due in a Canadian court to be sentenced on charges he assaulted and threatened to kill Fulton's son-in-law, Frederick Mowat, last August.

Mowat told police Despres had been bothering his father-in-law for the past month. When Mowat confronted him, Despres allegedly pulled a knife, pointed it at Mowat's chest and said he was "going to get you all."

Police believe the dispute between the neighbors boiled over in the early-morning hours of April 24, when Despres allegedly broke into Fulton's home and stabbed to death the musician and 70-year-old Veronica Decarie.

Fulton's daughter found her father's body two days later. His car was later found in a gravel pit on a highway leading to the U.S. border. Despres hitchhiked to the border crossing.

After the bodies were found on the afternoon of April 26, police set up roadblocks and sent out a bulletin that identified Despres as a "person of interest" in the slayings, according to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

The bulletin caught the eye of a Quincy police dispatcher because it gave the suspect's Massachusetts driver's license number, missing a character. The dispatcher plugged in numbers and letters until she found a last known address for Despres in Mattapoisett. She alerted police in that town, and an officer quickly spotted Despres.

In state court the next day, Despres told a judge that he is affiliated with NASA and was on his way to a Marine Corps base in Kansas at the time of his arrest.

After the case was transferred to federal court, Despres' attorney, Michael Andrews, questioned whether his client is mentally competent.

Fulton's friends in Minto, a village of 2,700 people, told the New Brunswick Telegraph-Journal that he was a popular musician, a guitarist known as the "Chet Atkins of Minto" and a 2001 inductee in the Minto Country Music Wall of Fame.

*Can someone tell me why?
When coming in from another country , Customes has been known to confiscate things like food jewelry and other personal items, so why didn't they confiscate DANGEROUS WEAPONS ? DA

Hear ye, hear ye come one come all-- do not bring your eyebrow tweezers or your finger nail file as they may be considered dangerous. Really BIG weapon accepted aboard only.

Monday, June 06, 2005

DECISIONS , DECISIONS


PICK ONE Posted by Hello

To pick on someones pet
is a dangerous thing !

Friday, June 03, 2005

SORRY GUYS, TO FUNNY TO PASS UP

Leaving The Toilet Seat UP
Author: Unknown

Response to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's
restroom:

Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom
that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do
that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what we were
aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and
then just start spinning around -- just so I'll make sure I hit
something.

You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that
men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a
bathroom stall (because all the urinals are being used), take
perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to pee
all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and
onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be
trusted.

After being married 28 years, my wife has me trained. I'm no
longer allowed to pee like a man -- standing up. I am required to
sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price
to pay. Otherwise, if she goes to the toilet one more time at
night and either sits on a pee-soaked toilet seat, or falls right
into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she's
going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but
because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm
a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a
real problem and you ladies need to be more understanding. It's
the dreaded "morning wood."

Most mornings we guys wake up with two things: a tremendous
desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with
it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to
bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim.

Well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to pee all
over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you
women insist on putting on the toilet. And by the way, when you
use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the stupid toilet seat
won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to
hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to achieve that
perfect aim.

Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in
here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet
seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and
compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you
start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress
and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and
tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet
seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe.

I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife.
I told her, "Look, it won't bend." She said, "Sit down like I
told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting
down on the toilet with "morning wood."

Well, it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and
before I could manage to do it, I had peed all over the bath
towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are
sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet
seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack
between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl.
You pee all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back
of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you
women keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.

I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this
morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position
by simply laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of
practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the
only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first
morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to
blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and
bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get
beyond our control.

It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if it was
Father Nature... there wouldn't have been a problem!!!
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