Sunday, January 29, 2006


It's a new day, in a new year and I know I must go foreword, but how does one go foreword with all of the baggage they must carry from their past.

Each morning I will get up and be me as everyone knows me. I will smile and laugh and do all of the things that I am suppose to do, but they don't see, what only I can see.

I walk into the new year one step at a time while directly behind me, follows all of my ghosts of years gone by.
All of the memories, those haunting memories, the ones that seem to linger in you longer than any others. The ones you can not forget no matter how much you want to.
The hurt, the anger, the tears, the fears, the prayers and finally the funeral.
The funeral that lingers on indelibly glued to the inner side of my pupils for me to view over and over again, when I'm most vulernable, when I least expect it, when I most want to forget it.

I no longer sleep well. I have had insomnia for almost fifteen years now. That is how long it has been.
I doze on the couch during the evening because I walk the floor in the middle of the night when the others fall asleep, that is when I am up. In the middle of the night that is when it is the most difficult.

On those occasions when I do go to my bed I lay may head upon my pillow and as I roll onto my side I think of how it was those many years ago. That cold pillow, that once was a warm arm that pulled me close to a warm person who slept with his arms wrapped around me every night all night for years.
It's almost like he is here. I can smell him, to this day. His sent, indelibly stamped into my mind forever. I loved to lay my face upon his chest and breath him into me body and sole, that fresh clean soothing smell all his own.
I pull the covers over me and the warmth of the blankets comfort me and I move my hand back and forth over one side of an empty bed and I am consumed in memories, then I roll back over onto my back .
I snuggle under the warm blankets and fold my arms over each other and put each hand on the opposite upper arm and hold on and pretend that he is holding me and the memories flood my mind, with hot wet tears rolling down the sides of my face I pray for sleep so that I may dream-- dream sweet dreams where there are no tears.

Tomorrow and every day of this year I will get up and play the game of going foreword. But at night, I will go back in time, back to live my fantasies, -- fantasies that once were reality,
and I remember those famous words, 'To sleep, perchance to dream', and suddenly I know their meaning.

Good night my sweet --- I'll see you in my dreams.

Friday, January 27, 2006


For those of you that only enjoy the happy light hearted types of posts, I'm giving you fair warning. You might not want to read my next two up and coming posts.

I've never really put anything quite like this in writing before. At first I wrote it for myself to be deleted afterwords but seeing it somehow seemed to help.
Then I decided that there are other people out there in this world maybe even in blogger heaven that have or are going through the same mental anguish that I have suffered and they may come across it, maybe not the day I post it, or the next, but one day they may come across it and realized that they are not alone in their thoughts,their feelings and when they read my words I bet they will say to theirself, lady you hit the nail right on the head.

So I've decided to post it for those people that might happen along to let them know that no one person is ever the 'only one' to experience anything, there are always others. Always.

So I wrote them, read them and will post them -- then I will pick myself up, dust myself off and do what I do best --- get on with my life.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


The eBay Song:

Turn your speakers way up, sit back and listen and laugh to eBay's own song, sung to the tune of The BackStreet Boys "I Want It That Way".

INSTRUCTIONS: Turn on volume and click on "Play"

The "eBay song"

Friday, January 20, 2006


At last home alone all alone, wow feels strange. I'd like to say that I'm going to put it to good use and do something outrageous, or go out to supper with my girlfriend or just lay around and pamper myself all week-end, but I can't. Not that I wouldn't love to but my home is a total wreck. I have laundry and ironing and Oh my God such a mess to clean up you wouldn't believe.

My lovely grandson put off a class project until the last minute and then he had so much other homework to do that I had to do the class project. So that's what I spent Tuesday doing--and doing and doing. In addition to that their size scale had to be exact, she was going to measure their circumference. It was the solar system and I had to make it out of paper mache. Oh JOY! It took forever my back was killing me, my feet were killing me and I wanted to kill FWL.

The things we won't do for our kids. Grrrrrrrr

His Mom got home Tuesday evening and was tired but by Wednesday morning I was yelling I need help get up, I need help, get uuuup. She heard me around noon, but she hopped to it when she did get up and together we finally got it done. I can not tell you what happened Thursday, I don't even remember Thursday . But when I got up this morning there was still ruminants of paste made of flour and water that had splashed here and there that I missed. In my rush to beat the clock things got pretty messy.
I know the day I was doing the paper mache planets there was more paste in the sink, on the counter and on me then there was on the planets.

He knew about this project for at least a month but every time I would say we have to get started on your project where is the instructions, I would never get them. He would say,Oh it's somewhere, there's plenty of time. He would put it off , he had plenty of time.

Well I didn't have plenty of time. I was hooked up and stressed for time and just barely made it.
'BB' ran up town and had to get more paint she worked on one thing and I worked on another. Then we both painted planets and off we went to the school.

Paper mache, yuk, I don't ever want to hear those words again. Right now 'Paper Mache' are the two most hated words in my vocabulary. We should have grounded the little stinker, but instead he went camping. Maybe that will be his punishment. He thinks it's going to be fun. But this time it is---
Boy Scouts 'BOOT CAMP' . Sounds bad doesn't it? Hehehe

I bet he'll have a great time.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


Where do we go for the kind of freedom we long for, the unrestricted right to feel, do and say what ever we want. We go right here in Blogger Heaven.

Where else but in the world of blog, could a person express their self so freely. Where else but in the world of blog could a person live out their hopes their dreams, share their happiness and sadness and even live out their fantasies.

No where, but in the blogosphere, and a sphere it is, of our own little society. A society of people who have the total freedom to be anything they want to be. To say anything they want to say. It's your blog to do what ever you want.
I've seen a lot of things since I've been coming here, the good, bad, happy and sad . You've made me laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time.
Oh excuse me did I say seen instead of read, was that incorrect? I think not, for I have seen your wonderful personalities shine through your words many times.

To those of you who were here before me, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your world and to those of you who are thinking about being a blogger I'd like to say --jump in with both feet -- you will love it!

Today is my anniversary. One year ago today I wrote my very first post. I had no idea of why I even wanted a blog, it just seemed like an exciting way of communicating. A new realm, a new adventure and I'm all for trying new things so here I am. It wasn't until later that I realized it was the contact with people that I need, the interacting with other beings. The sharing of thoughts and hopes and dreams.

I shutter to think what I put my poor daughter, 'BB' through trying to put this blog up was a nightmare, you see I wasn't just a new blogger I also had never been around computers before. A double whammy, but she was patient and tried to sooth the pain and fix the damage that I would do by playing with that darn mouse to much. Hehehe

Then of course (not counting my daughter), there was the excitement of my first commenter
fairygirl701. Oh the thrill ! But she was a friend so I figured my daughter asked her to visit me to give me some encouragement, (a pity trip hey), but she stuck with me, love yah fairygirl, thanks so much.
So I wrote a few things in January became discouraged and didn't do anything else until March. I wrote a post called 'SOMETHING TO PONDER' and finally a new blogger, Oh the JOY! I couldn't believe it I was so excited at last someone found me someone I didn't know. I was having really big problems there was so little that I new how to do and I thought that I was causing the problems but it was bloggers fault in my frustration I wrote a post about the trouble I was having 'O.K. TIME TO VENT !!! ' and my new commenter,' diamondkt' came back and offered his helping hand. Little did I know that he would become my savior. Without him there would be no EXSENO today. I would have given up a long time ago. He got me through the hard times and taught me so much my very first picture 'RARE BABY AYE-AYE' would have never been posted without his patience and understanding.
Yes people patience, do you know how hard it is to teach an old dog new tricks. What you find easy came very difficult for me , you grew up in the world of computers.

But thanks to to everyone that tried to help along the way I'm still here and loving it!!!

Thanks to 'BB' for letting me nag you every day, Thanks to
' fairlygirl701' for encouraging me, and to the kindest most patient (not to mention good looking) head full of tech guy in the whole world Thank you 'DIAMONDKT' for putting up with me all this time.
And to the rest of you, I can not tell you how much I appreciate your visits. You are friends each and every one!

Psssssst --- Hey you three, you really did think I would'nt make it this far did'nt you?
But I'm still here ---TADA

Correction: Callie was the very first commenter that I didn't know. Sorry Callie don't know how I could have over looked such a sweet friend. Must give a big credit to Callie for all of her kindness and still to diamondkt for keeping me going.

Saturday, January 14, 2006


To win a woman in the first place one must please her, then undress her, and then somehow get her clothes back on her. Finally, so that she will allow you to leave her, you've got to
annoy her. -- Jean Giraudoux
Jean Giraudoux was a french playwrite and novelist.
His life span was from Oct. 29, 1882, to Jan. 31, 1944
So long ago, just go's to show you throughout the ages

all men still think alike.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


I saw this on the news and just had to share it in it's original text, hope they don't sue me, but the story itself explains it all. I think this poor cow earned the right to live he showed great courage on seige.

Cow Escapes Meat Plant, Dodges SUV, Train Fri Jan 6, 10:32 PM ET

A cow that escaped a slaughterhouse dodged vehicles, ran in front of a train, braved the icy Missouri River and took three tranquilizer darts before being recaptured six hours later. News of the heifer's adventures prompted a number of people to offer to buy the animal.

The black, 1,200 pound heifer jumped a gate at the packing plant at around 5 a.m. Thursday and apparently wandered through residential areas. Police received reports at about 9:30 a.m. that it was in the middle of a busy intersection.

Police tried to catch the cow, and had her wedged between a stock trailer and a fence, but the heifer barreled through the fence toward the river, nearly being hit by a Chevrolet Suburban.

It was the first of many near-death experiences.

With the police in pursuit, the cow ran toward the railroad tracks and darted in front of an oncoming locomotive, briefly giving the police the slip again.

Crossing another road, the cow was nearly struck by a semi tractor-trailer.

"By then it was a madhouse," said police officer Corey Reeves. "People were coming out of the woodwork to see."

When police, animal control officers and slaughterhouse workers surrounded the cow in a park near the Missouri River, the cow jumped into the icy water.

As she swam to the west bank of the river, Reeves said she sank lower in the water and was being swept downstream. But the cow found a sandbar near the river's west bank and walked to shore.

"I was totally amazed she was able to swim the river," said Del Morris, the slaughterhouse manager.

As police scrambled to head off the cow on the other side of the river, a veterinarian with a tranquilizer gun was called.

Pursuers again believed they had the cow cornered at a chain link fence, but the heifer ran through a perimeter set up by officials.

The chase began to slow as the cow ran up against several strong fences. Dr. Jennifer Evans of Big Sky Medical Center shot the cow with a tranquilizer dart.

It had little effect.

Two darts later, the heifer showed no signs of going down. Slaughterhouse workers created a makeshift pen with metal panels that led to a stock trailer.

The heifer walked into the trailer at 11:45 a.m.

The cow was taken back to the slaughterhouse, where it was put in a pen — with a stronger fence — and given food and water

Sunday, January 08, 2006


I wonder if our friend Diamondkt, will get to Vegas in time to see Asimo the robot. The robot was suppose to be in Vegas performing this past week-end.

Asimo Plays Vegas, Impersonates Elvis , can you believe that?
This robot can do just about anything a human can do, maybe more. Created by the Honda corporation. He was suppose to be giving a demonstration of all of the various things that he can do in Vegas this past week-end or let me quote them "Prepared to exhibit capabilities never before seen in the States. Some of the things he will be doing will be balancing on a floor that tilts and moves, climbing stairs and walking up and down a slope", and many other things.

After hours, he’ll he was to demonstrate techniques for replacing American workers and many other things. There gos our jobs people.

Well think about it the perfect emplyee, doesn't complain, never asks for a raise and always at work on time. Just turn him off and he'll be there waiting on the boss in the morning.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

I' VE BEEN TAGGED 'Grrrrrrrr'

I promissed to do this after the holidays so here it is.

7 Things I plan To Do Before I Die:

1. Hurt 'Ka for tagging me /Ah yes, Becky you too
2. Learn everything about computers no matter how long it takes
3. Visit the Tuscany valley and the Carribean Islands (it will never happen but- )
4. Publish a book or two
5. Spend the whole day at an exspensive spa
6. Take a trip to visit the new england states and stop on the way to have lunch with a friend that I have'nt met yet
7. Live to be 99yrs, but only if I'm no more crazy then I all ready am

7 Things I Can Do:

1. Ride a horse the kind they have here in the south, not those on dude ranches
2. Eat more then most men (my husbands favorite saying was: I'ed rather cloth her then feed her
3. Speak at least a couple of words in several languages
4. This ones a secret, Shhhhhhs , can't tell
5. Shoot a gun, rifle, shotgun
6. carve up a whole deer by myself
7. dance pretty darn good ( I can belly dance too) not that anyone wants to see an old lady do that, Ah but when I was young, well all I can say is , hehehe

7 Things I Can Not Do:

1. Swim
2. Reach into my kitchen cabnets without using a chair
3. Hang around people I do not like
4. Grow plants, I have a black thumb
5. Get over my fear of snakes
6. Drive a motorcycle my legs are too short to hold one up
7. Back down, if someone bullies me I don't get scared I get mad male or female doesn't matter

7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex:

1. Sex (if that's not it for you, you're lieing)
2. Hieght (tall)
3. Eyes, not color but they have that certain twinkle of mistif in them
4. Likes outdoors
5. Smiles a lot
6. Good conversation, very important
7. Good personality sexy and flirty. Sexy and looks are not the same thing

7 Things That I Say Most Often:

1. Tada
2. What did you say? lol
3. I want something sweet to eat.
4. And your point is?
5. When we're gonna wrestle, I say 'let's play', always with a spanish accent because I got it from Antonio Bandaris
6. But -- The but word, is like the if word
7. So, Bill Cosby said if someone wants to argue, just keep saying 'so' to everything they say and they will get frustrated and give up. It works pretty good too.

7 Celebrity Crushes: I don't have crushes but I admire these actors

1. John Travolta
2. Antonio Bandaris
3. Johnny Depp
4. Anthony Hopkins
5. Dennis Quaid
6. Tommy Lee Jones
7. Kirt Russell-The best butt

People I Want To Do This: Nobody

Sunday, January 01, 2006


Welcome to January two thousand and six. To those of you that had a good year last year I wish for you continued success. For those of us that have struggled through this past year, lets hope the new year brings some relief.

Personally I like to think of each and every year in the same way, for me the new year is the beginning -- the beginning of a whole new adventure. Yes, you read it correctly, an adventure. Stay with me on this people.
Just think about it, twelve new months waiting to be explored. Three hundred and sixty-five days of newness. No one can predict what the future holds.
Ever make plans ahead of time only to find that nothing that is planned ever works out quite how it should.
Well isn't that essentially how life is. We make plans to go to college when we are young some of us go and some of us don't. How many people really marry their childhood sweetheart? Did you end up having the kind of occupation you dreamed of as a kid. I bet most of us did not. After all we can't all be movie stars. hahaha

Life is like the globe constantly turning ever moving and what happens to us in the future depends on many different things for many different people.
You've heard all of the sayings. What works for one doesn't always work for another, what goes up must come down, the best made plans of mice and men and my favorite, 'The road has many turns '. To me, this is the one most like life, because you can't see around that bend until you come to it.

Such is life, you can plan, and plan but what will be will be whether we want it or not. So I think the best any of us can do is be prepared . Prepared to accept or change what ever the future has in store for us for the best made plans are only plans and no one can really see what is around those turns until they come to them.

I would say flexibility is the key don't you think? So if you have to make a plan make it a flexible plan and lets hope that those turns in the road are not to sharp.
As for myself I never make New Years resolutions and the only plan that I ever make is to be prepared for what ever the good Lord throws at me.

So are you ready for your new two thousand and six adventure. Well then--

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