THE MURSE, THE MOOBS AND MAN

Today I learned two new words from a blogger friend. But first let me tell you a little about this friend.

I think we all have some blogs that we tend to favor a little more then others and we all have some blogger friends that we sort of become attached to for what ever the reason.
I have one such friend that I have been following for a while. He is one of the nicest and bravest people I have met.
Divorced father of two girls and recently remarried to a wonderful young woman.

Now this may not seem like such a special thing to you, many people divorce and re-marry but that is where the bravery part comes into play. You see he is very ill and if it were not for his tremendous willpower and great zest for life he probably wouldn't be here now.

He has been waiting to get a liver transplant for years but during that time he developed cancer. The cancer has been arrested but now he must stay cancer free for several more years before they will allow him to have a liver transplant. So he is biding his time. If he can hang on for three more years he will be eligible for the transplant. I guess the theory is that they can then consider him cured of the cancer.

But in the meantime his already badly deteriorating liver keeps on deteriorating making each day more painful. Yet somehow he just keeps on keeping on. Every once in awhile he just has to give into the pain and rest for awhile then he's up and gone again.
He makes sure he spends quality time with his daughters and goes places with his lovely new wife, who I should mention has stood by him through all of this for a very long time now. She's pretty great herself.

He carries a big bag, like a back pack with him everywhere he goes, for two reasons he needs to keep massive amount of medicine at all times and of course his play things like iPod and other goodies.

So since he spends so much time carrying a bag around he decided to upgrade to a nicer looking bag and he found one.
Then one of his friend came over and told him it was a murse and his wife told him don't use the shoulder strap or it will show off your moobs.

The post gave me a good laugh and I learned two new words, 'murse and moobs'.

If you don't know what they mean visit my friend 'Ruben' and find out and have a good laugh.
The name of his site is 'Each Day Counts'.

SO YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY !

Just in case you've had a rough day, here's an eight-step stress management technique recommended in the latest psychological texts.
The funny thing is, it really works.

Come on people work with me on this. Take a deep breath and practice your 'Zen' mood.

When you read each line relax and visualize.

1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic world.

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a
cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.

8. See? You're smiling already! Have a great day!!

O.K. ASHAMED, BUT I COULDN'T RESIST

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

-------------------------

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife

REMEMBER WHEN ?

Do you remember when.............

Gasoline was 12.9 ¢ per gallon and the attendant pumped the gas,
washed the windshield, checked engine oil & tire pressure.

Oleo was white... you added coloring... kneaded the package until
it turned yellow.

Penicillin was developed for infections.

For the first time you could purchase sliced bread
in the grocery stores.

Man first walked on the moon.

Transistor radios were the thing to have.

8-track tapes & cassette tapes were popular.

Analog & amp; Digital Hearing Aids were the latest in technology.


How old are you anyway ?

EMBARRASSING MOMENT

First Date

We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter ... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.

All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance"! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As for the Tonight Show ... she took the prize hands down ... or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment - - - - This gives a whole new meaning to being "pissed off."

Thanks to 'FWL' for finding this and for being kind enough to let me have it.

MEET THE FIRST TRANSSEXUAL HEN

She must have been tired of being just one of the harem, for him to have his way with her when ever he felt like it and then just toss her aside.

So she grew her own rooster comb, tail and now wattles around crowing.

The new Transsexual hen is wreaking havoc in the henhouse, where the rooster, Henry VIII, is furious. The other hens are surprised but they seem to be increasingly accepting of him or her or whatever? Wouldn't you know the first Transsexual hen had to come from Stockholm.

Ah the Swedes. They have always been a liberated thinking kind of people. I wonder what they think about this Hen?
She didn't even have to have a sex change operation, she just willed it to happen and now she crows instead of clucks. Awesome. Watch out Roosters, she may have set a trend for the other Hens.

Read it on the news here: 'Transsexual hen's'