And everyone knows it
. If they don't hear it they'll smell
it and they'll know who it is anyway when your face turns
red. There's no getting out of it. I don't care how hard you
try to be nonchalant about it, they'll pinpoint wear that smell
is coming from every time. You're guilty and you know it.
Awe come on we've all done it, had one of those farts that you just can't hold back. It just slips out whether you want it to or not. One of life most embarrassing moments.
One that comes to my mind is one that I can't forget because it was so funny. I was sitting with someone (who shall remain anonymous, unless she chooses to come forward), in the Wal-Mart snack bar. She thought we were all alone , even the woman behind the counter had stepped out for a moment. Well we weren't alone there was one man setting in the booth behind her. I had no reason to acknowledge that we were not alone because I had no clue as to what was coming, but there she blows folks, she cut a fart. It wasn't that it was the worst smelling one, it was that it was enormously loud. Good God, as loud as a bolt of thunder. I said Oh my, and she just looked at me like SO, then she said so what were alone . That's when I whispered across to her, ya , you , me and the guy behind you whos' toupee I think you just blew off. The rest of the conversation went something like. Unt-uh, a-haaa , followed by a bunch of uncontrolable giggling by the both of us.
Then there is another kind of fart problem. The guy who is proud of his farts and wants to share them with everyone. No Contest. My son gets the 'Fart Award'
in my family. One time I was in the grocery store and he found me, as I turned and said hi he had this stupid grin on his face said hi, and cut a fart, then he says real loud OMG, Oh Momma, and leaves. The shit head.
My daughter has suffered greatly at some of his fart pranks. Now let me explain, I don't know what is wrong with his inner system, but he has got the worst smelliest farts
in the world. They are worse then rotten eggs -- and they linger on. So anyway, he and his sister went somewhere together and as they were driving down the street (so she couldn't jump out) , he decides to fart. Ahhhh, but first he make sure the windows are rolled up, then he cuts one. Of course she yells at him then turns to roll down the window, but she can't. He is holding the botton down on his side. She starts screaming that she is getting sick and has to vomit and he rolls down the window just in time for her to hang her head out an puck for awhile.
When they get to the house they both jumped out of the truck to see who can get to me first. She comes running in the door screaming Mom guess what he did to me, with him right behind her laughing like crazy. As she is telling me , he is laughing uncontrolably. Well, heck this just happened, they are both grown, so what the hell am I suppose to do about it. I can't put him over my lap and spank him, he's 6'2". Oh Shame on you geezzzzzzzz! Then I stepped aside and let them fight it out. I remember words like , you discusting pig and more laughing.
Well it seems the rest of us had to pay for that prank as well, because in their rush to see who could get to me first neither one of them realized that she puked all down the outside of the truck. Sooooooo, the next morning my grandson and I (in a rush) run out to the truck to take him to school , he grabs the door handle and I hear a screaming , oh, yuk, yuk
. I' ve got vomit all over my hand oh no. So guess who gets to clean it all up -- yup, yup, yup good old Mom.
A few weeks later he tried the same exact thing with me, but it didn't work. He got this shit eating grin on his face and I knew what was coming. He cut his nasty old fart and I just looked at him and calmly said, (in a very nasal voice
), It's not going to work Nick, I used to work in a nursing home remember. I can breath through my mouth and not smell a thing. A look of disappointment went over his face and he rolled down the windows. I guess he couldn't handle it. hehehe
So tell me, do you have any fart stories you would like to share. Are you The victim
or do you victimize???
Let it fly, as long as I can't smell em, you can tell em!
A very special 'Thanks' to Mara
for giving me the idea to share my fart family tales with you.
If you want to read the funniest fart story ever in you life visit Mara at:http://marascomfychair.blogspot.com
and read her post titled:Men Think They Are Just Fart-Tastic
I couldn't stop laughing I promise you'll do the same. She's great.